Grow with Shiv

Life is difficult. If you acknowledge this, it will be a little easier for you and if you don’t, life will get so much harder for you. If your ideal life is to stay happy, then you will be disappointed daily. The more you look for happiness, the more you will go far from it. Some people feel loneliness in crowd and some are happy in solitude. So, the definition of loneliness depends on your situation, but the good thing is that these tips and tricks work for all.

You can feel less lonely by calling your mother, going on a date, or going on a trip to another city but  that serves as a bandage to the problem. We need to heal it from the roots. For the life long solution, here are the most important things that can help you in getting rid of loneliness

1- It’s you- Around age five, we begin to become conscious of ourselves. This is a self-destroying act too because we start to think about ourselves 24/7. Social media plays a huge role in making everyone believe that they are the centre of the world and so many people; your followers on social cites care about your actions.

Get out of your head and start thinking about higher purpose; how the world runs, how nature is so perfect, anything but not you. Only then does life become larger and full of ideas that have no place for loneliness. 

2- Be vulnerable- You will not get things you deserve, but you will get what you crave for, and what you show. Even babies have to cry so that their mother knows that the child needs feeding. The point is to stop trying to handle things alone, everyone needs help and no one is going to help you without knowing that you need it. Perfection is the way to loneliness. 

So, show that you have faults too. You feel vulnerable too. When you share yourself with others you feel relaxed and satisfied that another person is with you, validating you, helping you in this situation. The key is to not think what other person will think about you, the key is to make yourself open about what you feel, desire, dream which will help you to strengthen your values in the long run. The goal is not to stay happy, the goal is to express your emotion in the most effective way. So, express yourself the way you are, not the way you want others to see you.

3- Look for an ideal lover-  Those who are single tend to feel more lonely than those who are married. How many lonely nights are going to get vanished when you have a partner who can accompany you everywhere, I mean everywhere. Although, being with a partner ends up escalating your emotions, it is a sure thing that you are never going to feel lonely.

When you are looking for a partner you end up in these categories. Three types of singles looking for love; The romanticizer – One who is waiting for the prince charming to come to their life and make their world like a fairytale, The maximizer- One who is trying all their options to find the perfect one, The perfectionist- One who is working on themselves and being the best to find the best. No matter which category you belong to, you always give a chance to people to come into your life. 

4- Settling with childhood Traumas- We all are puppies from our childhood. Things that happened with us during that time, shape our understanding of the world, how we think things work in life. Some of the tragedies happened in the childhood haunt you for years after it happened. These emotions are hard to put into words and end up coming out in anger, showing coldness for others and on and on.

You can get momentary peace by distracting yourself, but to get lifetime satisfaction you must dig deeper with your childhood traumas, understand how they affect you and most importantly accept the reality that its not because of you, it is because someone messed up things and you were in the wrong place at wrong time. You will know things better by talking with your parents, siblings , relatives, and friends who were there, and can aid in your understanding of the problem.

At the end, we are social beings and can’t live alone for long. Stop thinking that you can handle yourself alone for ages.  The key here is to express yourself more and more, finding solutions for your behavior and prioritizing your happiness more than anything else.